Stop dating to change him, decide if you like him ‘as is’
It’s Time to Stop Trying to "Fix" Men
I remember being in my 20s when we would talk about cute guys and how we could fix them up: to dress better, act better, be better. Or, at the very least, be different.
But it was never just about clothes, right?
You want him to be more ambitious.
You wish he was a better communicator.
You’re hoping he magically grows into the partner you wish he was or could be.
But here’s the truth: If you’re honest with yourself, you don’t really like them as they are. You like the version of them that only exists in your imagination.
The Lime Green Shirt That Told Me Everything
Let me give you a story.
I once dated a guy who showed up to meet my friends wearing a LIME GREEN SHIRT. Like neon highlighter green. I hated it. And no, I didn’t say anything—we were newly dating, and I didn’t want to be rude or shallow. But that shirt stuck with me. (It still does!)
The shirt was a sign of a mismatch to come.
His house was kinda dirty. His kids were… weird. His ex-wife dynamic was… also weird. His vibe was off. And I found myself offering to “help him clean up his space” like it was part of a makeover montage.
I wasn't interested in the person he was. I was in project mode to create the person I wanted him to be.
If You Don’t Like Him ‘As Is' He’s Not Your Guy
Let me save you years of frustration: you are not here to change a man. You’re not here to upgrade him, style him, teach him emotional maturity, or clean up his life so it’s finally good enough for you to be in it.
Now that I’m older and wiser I ask myself one powerful question when I start to date someone new:
👉 Do I like them exactly as they are without needing to change them?
And if the answer is no? I keep it moving.
Because now I know the difference between fixing someone and choosing someone.
If someone makes you constantly think how they should be different, they are not your person.
Signs You’re Dating a Project, Not a Partner
Ask yourself:
Am I constantly trying to get him to do something differently?
Do I find myself explaining away his behavior?
Am I more attracted to what he could be than who he is?
If you’re nodding along, you might be dating a project man.
And let me tell you: We Are Not Taking On Any New Project Men. 🛠️
Period.
You don’t need another fixer-upper.
What you need is someone who already aligns with the life you’re building.
So no more dating with the hope of changing him.
Date with the clarity of knowing yourself and knowing who is a good fit for you, your life, and your future.
Because the right man for you doesn’t need changing.
He just needs seeing.
And so do you.
Ready to stop DIY-ing your love life?
👉 If this hit home, let’s talk. Book a free dating strategy call with me here and let’s build a dating life you don’t have to fix.
You've got this. 💕
