Why chasing that ‘spark’ may be holding you back from love

Why do we do this?

Why do we feel so excited—so quickly—about someone we’ve only just met?
Why do we go from Chicken Caesar Salad and one glass of wine to 👉 “He could be The One”?
 

Here’s what I see all the time (and yep, I’ve been there too):

   We want this one to be the one.
   Because if this works? We don’t have to keep looking.
   We don’t have to keep stopping and starting.
   We don’t have to swipe anymore or go on awkward coffee dates.
   We can just… exhale.

We can finally focus on one person instead of feeling like we’re constantly waiting around for someone better to come along.

And let’s be honest:
We’ve also been taught to believe that getting chosen—or catching someone’s attention—is the ultimate win.

Especially as women, we’ve grown up hearing that finding a man is one of the Most Important Things we can do.

So, when someone shows up and seems even remotely promising?

We’re trained to feel hope. Excitement. And hopefully… that spark.

But let me tell you something important:
That spark?
It doesn’t mean what you think it means.

That “zing” feeling?
That’s often your nervous system responding to something familiar—not necessarily something safe. Or good. Or good for you.

Sometimes that spark is old wiring.
A hit of dopamine.
A trauma bond whispering, this feels just like before—even if before didn’t go all that well.

So, what do you do with that hopeful feeling of possible connection and chemistry? 

You slow down.
You remind yourself:

   🔥 “I don’t actually know this person yet.”
   🔥 “Feeling excited doesn’t mean this will go anywhere.”
   🔥 “A spark is not proof of compatibility.”

You collect your evidence.
You stay curious.
You get to know someone over time—not over text.

And if, a few months in, the spark is still there and you’ve got a pattern of showing up, communicating, and building connection?

Then you get excited.
Then it’s something real.

💬 Want help slowing down without losing momentum? If you’re tired of jumping in fast and crashing even faster, let’s talk. 👉 Schedule your FREE Dating Debrief Call with me here.

We’ll look at what’s driving the rush, what it’s costing you, and how to date with a calm, grounded confidence—without turning off your hope or your heart.

You don’t need to chase the spark.
You just need to learn to trust the slow burn. 🔥

Happy Dating!