The real reason dating feels exhausting
If you think dating feels exhausting, you're not alone. What if I told you, it's not dating that is exhausting, but how you're approaching it that might be? Most people who say they’re “tired of dating” aren’t actually tired of dating at all. They’re tired of everything that happens before the date.
And that distinction matters.
The Real Reason Dating Feels So Draining
When people talk about dating being exhausting, they’re usually describing the entire pre‑dating process: downloading apps, creating a profile, swiping, matching, messaging, getting ghosted, getting hopeful, getting frustrated, juggling conversations, scheduling, rescheduling, making a plan, showing up… and then realizing the person wasn’t that great to begin with.
Then doing it all over again.
Of course that feels exhausting.
But the exhaustion often comes from something deeper: you’re putting too much emotional energy into people and situations long before you’ve met them.
Too much hope.
Too much attachment.
Too much imagining who someone might be.
We invest in these blind matches as if they’re already something—and we wear ourselves out in the process.
And when you stop treating the pre‑meeting phase like a relationship tryout, the whole experience becomes lighter, calmer, and far less frustrating.
How to Make Dating Feel Less Exhausting
If you’re feeling dating burnout or overwhelmed by dating apps, these shifts can help you protect your energy and stay grounded:
Don’t get too invested in the person or the process before you’ve met.
Don’t spend hours messaging. Someone you just matched with doesn’t need full access to your time or attention.
Stay curious and open‑minded, but pay attention to what you notice.
Mute your notifications and check your apps on your schedule.
Treat the first meetup as exactly that: a meeting, not a date.
Keep the first meetup short—an hour or less. If it’s not a fit, you can leave without drama. If it is a fit, you can plan something you’d both enjoy next time.
If you meet again, your only job is to decide whether you want to spend another hour or two getting to know them. You don’t have to decide if you want to date them yet.
These small shifts reduce pressure, lower anxiety, and help you stay connected to yourself instead of getting swept up in the chaos of modern dating.
Why I Don’t Go on “First Dates”
If you want to go deeper into why I treat first meetups differently—and how this approach helps reduce dating anxiety and emotional overwhelm—you can read more here:
Why I Don’t Go on “First Dates” and What I Do Instead.
If You’re Feeling Dating Burnout, Start Here
If you’re ready to slow down, stay unattached, and approach dating with more clarity and confidence, these two resources will help:
The S.L.O.W. Dating Framework — a grounded, intentional approach to dating without the emotional exhaustion.
The Anti‑Anxiety Dating Guide — tools to help you stay centered, calm, and connected to yourself throughout the process.
Both will help you get clearer about what you want and how to move through dating with less frustration and more ease.
Here’s to dating that feels grounded, intentional, and actually enjoyable again.
Need help with taking a new approach to dating?
📋Want help getting out of dating frustration and into calm and confident dating instead? Book a free call with me here and we can talk about creating an approach that works for you.
Here’s to better dating! 💕
