Are you ‘dating’ someone you’re not actually dating?
Real talk:
You might be in a relationship with someone you’re not actually dating.
It sounds weird but stay with me. If you:
Text all day
Send memes, vent about your exes, swap parenting stories and pictures, and make each other laugh
Provide emotional support to one another
Feel close, but don’t go out or are not building towards something more committed
… you’ve got a connection, but not a relationship.
You’re just friends with emotional benefits.
I’ve been there, too.
Years ago, I reconnected with an old neighbor. We only went out once, but we texted constantly. We’d send each other memes, talk about work, send pictures of our kids, and counsel each other on dealing with our exes (mostly me counseling him).
We were close.
It was comfortable. Familiar. Fun.
But we never went out on dates or hung out in person except for a couple of times when I forced the issue.
And then I realized: I was dating someone I wasn’t actually dating.
Here’s what happened:
Eventually I realized it was too much of one thing (emotional intimacy) and not enough of another thing (physical intimacy and a commitment towards dating).
Just endless texting without any of the other stuff that comes along with dating.
No time together. No plans. And no sign of it changing.
It felt like we were dating but we weren’t actually dating.
Along the way, it had started to feel like a relationship… which made it less urgent for me to focus on finding someone who actually wanted to be in a relationship
But it wasn’t going to go anywhere.
Dos that sound familiar?
You might be dating someone you're not dating if…
You talk all the time, but rarely (if ever) see each other or you hang out a lot but he “doesn’t want anything serious right now”
You keep suggesting plans that never happen, but he has time for other friends and activities
You’re playing therapist, life coach, or being an emotional support for him
There’s a strong vibe, but no real clarity around what it is
It feels comfortable, but also kind of empty
And there’s nothing wrong with having friendships or casual connections if that’s what you want.
But if you’re craving a fuller, deeper, mutually rewarding relationship with long-term potential, this kind of relationship probably isn’t going to be it.
My advice? No dating someone you're not dating!
If the emotional intimacy isn’t leading to actual intimacy or movement towards a relationship, it might be time to step back and figure out what you really want.
And sometimes, that means walking away from something that’s “nice,” so you can make space for something that’s real.
Do you need help getting clear on where you stand in your relationships? Let’s talk.
📞 Book a free Relationship Revamp Call with me and I’ll help you figure out how to stop settling for part-time roles so you can make space for someone who wants to experience to all that you have to offer.
You've got this. 💕
