On sex, pleasure and intimacy

I lead a coaching session the other night for a group of mostly women physicians about Sex, Intimacy and Pleasure.

There's so much to talk about in this area for women but here are a few highlights I shared:

Women have been taught so many conflicting things about sex. 

We were warned about the dangers of having sex, but also told it’s our job to attract men who want to have it with us.

We're also supposed to be the gatekeepers of men, so people don't think we’re too promiscuous or ‘slutty.’

We’re supposed to wait for sex until marriage, and that our own interest in sex is supposed to be purely for the purposes of making babies or making a man happy.

Women are also taught that our desire is only responsive to a man’s.

We are taught that men are spontaneously aroused, and women are responsive in our arousal. 

And only by being desired by someone else should women feel sexual arousal of our own. 

We're taught that we should go ahead and engage in sex even if we aren’t ‘in the mood’ because maybe we’ll get there eventually. Because, you know, men. 

Seeing your body only in service to someone else means many women don’t even know what they like or enjoy. We think we need to find the right partner to take us to the magical place of orgasm, not recognizing we can create the thoughts and feelings of sexual pleasure on our own.

Sexual intimacy is about your relationship with yourself.

We also talked about other ways to create intimacy and pleasure - that p*nis and v*gina sex are not the only options! Thank you, Catholic school for that idea.

Once you understand how your body works, what turns you on, and allow that sex is a natural part of a woman’s life, then you will begin to see it as something you get to enjoy – solo or partnered – and not just in service to your partner. 


Sex, Pleasure and Intimacy is just one of the many topics we explore in my How To Date Better Small Group Coaching course.

Get on the waitlist here.