What reality TV gets wrong about dating
Have you been watching Love is Blind or The Bachelor? I could go on in depth about each of these but here's what I want you to notice about both:
People are in a rush to 'make' a relationship with someone they just met.
People take it personally if they aren't the 'chosen' one.
If you have followed me for a while, you know I am ever increasingly preaching the Gospel of Slow Dating. The Bachelor films over six to nine weeks. Love is Blind is closer to four or five.
WEEKS.
Can someone please explain to me why people feel the need to choose their lifelong partner after only about six weeks of dating?! And without even going on that many dates during that time? It's craaaaaaaaaaazy! There is no way you can know enough about someone to make a lifelong decision that quickly.
Sure, some of the relationships might work out, but in the real world this rush to love is typically a recipe for burnout.
On Love is Blind, AD missed everything Clay was trying to tell her because all she heard was rejection since she didn't end up married. What he said was, “I am here for you, but I am not ready to be married yet” (after 38 days) which is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. He was forthcoming in his interest in growing as a man before committing to marriage. He said he would put in the work. He said he wanted to stay by her side. But, without the wedding, AD said she was done with the whole relationship.
Why?!?
What might have happened if she gave the relationship a chance to develop outside the bounds of an artificial schedule created by television producers?
The second, perhaps more concerning issue, is the reaction almost every woman has after they are sent home, or an engagement is called off, on these dating shows.
It is: “What's wrong with me?” “Why wasn't I enough?”
This breaks my heart.
When Maria was sent home on The Bachelor, she exclaimed, “If that's not enough for him, then what more can I give this man? It sucks.”
What this misses is that in any relationship - particularly in these with multiple women involved - there might just be a little stronger connection with someone else. Or the connection between two people may not be the right fit for one of them. There is nothing more to give. There is no way to be different to be picked. Joey has to choose who is the best fit for him out of 32 women. That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with the other 31.
You are going to be a great fit for someone, but not for everyone. And everyone you meet won't be a great fit for you. And that is okay. This isn't something we should take personally or take to mean there is something wrong with us.
There is nothing wrong with you. 💖
You are enough. 💖
Are you ready to break free from TV dating norms? Let's chat about embracing a healthier approach to dating. Schedule your call now! 📆
